A Fishy Send Off

A Fishy Send Off
Production Details
Written by	Jeremy Lloyd & Paul Adam
Director	John B. Hobbs
Transmission Details
Airdate	7 December 1992
Continuity
Previous	Tarts And Flickers
Next	A Winkle In Time

Monsieur Alfonse is in his mortuary, working on the concrete statue of René, while the real René is modelling for him. Monsieur Alfonse accidentally hacks off the nose of the statue and then, also accidentally, gets the chisel stuck in a rather embarrassing place. He is just about to try to pull it out, when Edith turns up with Mimi and Yvette, since Michelle has asked to meet them there. As they all help pull out the chisel, Michelle turns up, informing them that the costumes for the parade are ready at the café, and that they are all ready to go. It is just that René has to asks colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber for passes to the coast. When they are about to leave, Michelle makes Edith, Mimi and Yvette pick up two planks, lying on the floor, which are for the float, but when Edith turns around to look at the statue, now that monsieur Alfonse has put the nose back on, she accidentally knocks off the entire head from the statue.

General Von Klinkerhoffen joins Von Strohm and Gruber at their office. He says the plan to blow up Hitler is almost complete, but he does not want to discuss the details right there, since he suspects the room might be bugged. Instead, he suggests they all three go on a golfing tour later in the morning to talk privately. Before he leaves them for the moment, he informs them, that he has had a suicide pill installed into one of his teeth. Should the plan fail, he will quickly and easily be able to commit suicide in order not to get caught. In addition, he has bought Von Strohm and Gruber one set of false teeth each, in which will release a deadly liquid when the teeth are crunched together. They try them on, but then cannot get them out, since they are stuck.

The general does not know, that Helga has been listening at the door and she goes straight to herr Flick's headquarters to reveal what she has heard. Herr Flick then tells her, that two years ago, he took the precaution of bugging the general's golf bag, just in case. Thus, he decides that they and Von Smallhausen will also go to the golf course, to listen in on the three officers.

On the golf course, Von Smallhausen tries to tune in the general's golf bag, but first, he receives a broadcast of Vera Lynn, singing (There'll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs of Dover. When he manages to find the wavelength of the golf bag, they follow the officers around for a while. Finally, the start discussing the plan, or rather, being informed of it by Von Klinkerhoffen. He, Von Strohm and Gruber will all take the afternoon train to Berlin. There, they will deliver the painting and then explode the frame. To do this, he equips them with a yo-yo each. On each of them, there is a little switch and when turned on, the yo-yoing will start a tiny electrical dynamo inside it, which produces an electric beam that makes the explosives go off at up to twenty metres.

As Gruber and Von Strohm have a sit down, René runs up to them. He asks them for the passes to the coast and as the general cannot hear them at the moment, they agree to sign them, on condition that they be allowed to ride on the float, in order to get out of the general's plan. René is forced to agree to this.

In the square, the float is ready to leave. Michelle has dressed up in officer Crabtree's spare uniform, to be able to tag along, by claiming to escort the float. Crabtree then announces all of the participants of the float, as they come out of the café and climb on board. First comes a prawn in a wheelchair, driven by an octopuss (madame Fanny and monsieur LeClerc). They are followed by two mermaids (Yvette and Mimi) and then comes king Neptune and Venus unadorned (René and Edith). Finally comes two crabs (Gruber and Von Strohm). Just as the float is about to leave, the general drives into the square and finds the two officers there. He naturally demands Gruber and Von Strohm get off the float and out of the costumes. Monsieur Alfonse then drives the float out of the square, towards the coast.

At the train station, the three officers get out of their car, leave their luggage (including the painting) to two porters and go to the platform. They do not know it, but the porters are actually herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen in disguise. As they hear one of the general's suitcases ticking, they assume it contains the bomb with which to blow up Hitler. As they pass by the general, he picks that particular suitcase up (to keep as hand luggage) and orders the two porters to put the rest in the garage van. As the three officers get on the train, however, herrs Flick and Von Smallhausen take the painting and orders two soldiers standing on the platform to arrest general Von Klinkerhoffen, colonel Von Strohm and lieutenant Gruber for planning to assassinate Hitler. Meanwhile, Flick and Von Smallhausen go into the men's room, to examine the painting.

The two soldiers board the train and enter the officers' compartment. The general is outraged that he is even suspected of carrying a bomb, but one of the soldiers hears the ticking in the suitcase. As he opens it, it turns out to be an ordinary alarm clock. However, in there, he also finds one of the yo-yos. He thinks it a little suspicious that it has a little switch and tests it, to see of there is anything strange about it. As they are less than twenty metres from the men's room, the frame around the painting blows up in the two Gestapo officers' faces.

The café gang arrive at the coast, and stop near a German coast defence bunker, where they are to meet the other floats in the parade. They are soon ordered to leave, since they are in a military zone, but before they can do this, they must wait for madame Fanny, who has needed to go to the loo. Thinking the bunker is a public convenience, she has gone in there and when she is about to flush, she pulls a chain, as usual. However, that makes her fire the cannon in the bunker. The next moment, a German military vehicle pulls up behind them. The commanding officer in it jumps out and informs them all that the invasion has begun and that the British are on their way. Therefore, they are commandeering all vehicles, including the float. When they look out over the sea, they can see it is true, as dozens of ships are approaching (however, the TV audience is not shown this). When the Germans have taken the float, René and Edith take Michelle's and officer Crabtree's tandem bicycle, while the others are forced to walk back to town.