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The two British airmen are floating away in the balloon, while the evening is approaching more and more. As the send-away party (René, Edith, Yvette, Maria, Michelle, Monsieur LeClerc, Fanny, Monsieur Alfonse and officer Crabtree) have waved them goodbye, they decide to go back to the café, to contact London on the radio and tell them the airmen are on their way. Meanwhile, Helga, Kurt and Hans are waiting in the colonel's car by the roadside, when they hear shooting. As they drive off to find out what the shooting is all about, they discover that general Von Klinkerhoffen has ordered a patrol to shoot at the balloon, in order to bring it down. He tells them to shoot at it and also Gruber (who, however, has loaded his cannon with blanks). As everybody keeps missing the balloon, Klinkerhoffen shoots his own pistol at it, and it is hit.

As they have returned Fanny to her bed, its knobs start flashing. London says, in code, "Red Riding Hood must not go to the woods!" meaning "Do not release the airmen!" René replies "Red Riding Hood has already gone to the woods!" and there is nothing more for them to do. After they have signed out, Edith proposes a prayer for the airmen. As she, René, Yvette and Maria stand around in prayer, the balloon crashes through the ceiling.

At the Germans' headquarters in the chateau, Kurt asks Helga to inform them when general Von Klinkerhoffen arrives. After she has left, he tells Hans that they must tell the general they know nothing of what has been going on. As Hans really does not remember, the colonel gives a résumé of all the suspicious deeds they have done in the past, such as stealing the painting, blowing up the railway, helping the British airmen to escape etcetera. He also mentions the pinching of the oldest cuckoo clock in the world, which was mentioned in the pilot episode but was then not heard of again. He informs Hans that the plaster bust of himself, that is standing on his table, conceals the clock, which is why the bust has a key in one of its ears. Hans winds it up and as the cuckoo starts popping out (pushing the nose of the bust back and forth), he hits the bust with several blows until it is silent and still. It then looks like the colonel's bust has taken quite a beating, as the general enters the room the moment afterwards, and a few seconds after him, Herr Flick.

The general informs them that since there has been much resistance work going on, he will take personal command of the security of the village and the surrounding area. He complains about the damage the resistance and the locals are doing. Secondly, he says the German "amouruous liaisons" with local womanhood has proven fruitless (which the colonel and the captain can confirm). However, Herr Flick has for long suspected Edith of being a resistance leader and the general therefore thinks somebody should woo her, in order to gain her trust and confidence. Before he leaves, he appoints the colonel to perform this task.

Yvette is shooting pool in the pool room of the café, when René enters the room. Edith walks in and finds them cuddling, but René manages to fool her with an explanation, after which Maria comes in and tells her Michelle has arrived. When she enters the room and asks for the airmen, René shows them hidden in the two moose trophies on the wall. She then tells him that general Von Klinkerhoffen has taken command of the district, but that they cannot live under his tyranny and therefore, they must kill him. Edith suggests René strap dymanites on his person and, acting a suicide bomber, go the chateau to kill the general. Naturally, he refuses, but this inspires Michelle to blow up the general in one way or another.

The colonel is combing his hair in order to make himself look nice when wooing Edith. As Hans comes into the room with some flowers for him to give her, the colonel says he has come to the conclusion that they must get rid of the general. Soon, he comes up with the idea of poisoning him by putting something in his food and therefore orders Hans to buy arsenic from a chemist.

That same evening, the colonel is sitting at a table in the café. Meanwhile, René gives Yvette a jug of wine to give to Herr Flick, who is having a private dinner in the backroom with Helga. As Yvette points out it is only half full, he tops it up with some water from a flower pot. He thinks Herr Flick will not notice, but the wine strangely brings on Herr Flick's hayfever. After she has left the room, he informs Helga of his plan to kill general Von Klinkerhoffen. He takes off the top of his cane, wherein he has hidden a death pipe from the Kathari tribe of Western Borneo. One inserts a small, poisonous dart and blows in order to fire it. When somebody is hit, he or she will suffer death in ten seconds, under heavy convulsions, unless he or she receives the antidote (which Herr Flick has in a flask in a pocket). When Helga asks if the general will not be suspicious when they use the pipe in broad daylight, he says that, in order to seem less suspicious, she will use a special cigarette holder, which he picks out of another pocket.

While Edith is singing to the customers, René has been eavesdropping at the door and overheard Herr Flick's plan. He thinks it is terrible, as he explains to Maria. The second later, Hans arrives at the café and joins the colonel at his table. The captain tells him that the chemist gave him a pill containing all his best poisons, which he gives to the colonel. They will mix it with the general's wine and after one drink, he will be dead. Hans also asks how the colonel's wooing of Edith is coming along and he then says he has decided Hans will do the wooing instead. As she is done singing, the officers, reluctantly, applaud her, and the colonel explains to her that the captain is a secret admirer of hers. The colonel orders champagne for them and says if Hans plays his cards right, he will be upstairs with Edith in no time. When Edith tells René the captain might be after her favours, he tells her to ask for supplies (paraffin, butter, sugar etcetera) in return. Edith and Hans sit close to each other and cuddle for a while, after which lieutenant Gruber joins them. He tells them he has been appointed ADC to general Von Klinkerhoffen. His first assignment consists in arranging a party at the chateau in celebration of the birthday of Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany. the colonel asks if there will be wine, which Gruber assures him that there will. There will also be different foods and the traditional Black Forest cake. When Edith hears of this, she starts forming a plan in her head and suggests she cook the different dishes and René serve them (with the intent of blowing up the general).

Monseiur LeClerc enters the café, disguised as a bread seller. He gives five breadsticks to René and informs him that they contain dynamite. Edith is to bake the Black Forest gateau for the celebration at the chateau, which the dynamite will be put in. He also gives him some candles to put on the cake, one of which is the fuse for the dynamite. The fuse is the one that has a small lump on it, like a little handle (the candle with the handle). When they are finished and LeClerc is about to leave, madame Edith waves goodbye to Hans. She says he went home because he had a headache, but all the supplies she has asked for will be delivered anyway.

The next day, Edith, Michelle and Henriette are preparing the gateau in the kitchen of the café and place the five dynamite sticks in it. They also put the fuse candle on top of it, in the middle. René and Edith are hesitating about murdering the Germans but Michelle says they are the enemy and therefore must be killed. Henriette is then given the task of taking the gateau and some chickens to the chateau. After she has gone, Fanny is heard complaining in the larder, where she is forced to stay while her room is being repaired.

In the "broken" bedroom, the airmen are using the radio and have managed to get through to England. Fairfax is even talking to his mother. He tells her that he and Carstairs are in France "doing some decorating". However, he cannot give her their address, as she asks for, since there are Germans everywhere who might be listening in on them. Then, the connection is cut off.:

Carstairs "You never asked who won The Boat Race!" Fairfax "I knew we called about something!"[N 1]

That same night, when the Germans are away in the chateau, the girls think it is very quiet without them at the café. However, Edith holds a patriotic speech about their oppressors and then leads the customers of the cafe in singing "La Marseillaise". In the middle of the song, the Germans storm in and the entire café starts singing "Deutschland, Deutschland" instead. The colonel silences them and forces all of the customers out, since the café has been "requisitioned by the German army". As Herr Flick has found out there is a plot, by the resistance, to blow up the chateau, they will hold the celebrations in the café instead. René panicks a bit about this, since he knows, but the Germans do not know, that the cake is filled with dynamite and the whole café will be blown up. However, there is nothing they can do and must ask the Germans to pick a table. Meanwhile, the colonel gives René the pill, which he puts in his till. When the general asks Helga to sit next to him, Herr Flick secretly asks if she has prepared the cigarette holder with the dart, which she has.

Hans go over to the bar and ask René for the pill that the colonel gave him. He says it contains a drug and is to be put in the general's wine jug. The next moment, Gruber arrives with the gateau. René panickingly tells Hans that it contains a bomb to blow up the general and asks Hans to do everything in his might for the fuse not to be lit. Hans desperately informs him they have already made arrangement for killing the general, by giving him the drug.:

Hans: "Do you not see that if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau!":René: "Simple plots are always the best."

René puts a pill (a headache pill, he later informs Edith, since he will have no poison murders in his café) in the jug and Hans brings it over the general. They all put on pickelhaubes and then, he receives the wine from the "poisoned" jug (the colonel makes sure nobody else gets any wine from that jug). They have several toasts, but nothing happens to the general. When René comes to serve the chickens, one of them is accidentally spiked on the spike of the general's helmet. As he is a senior officer, nobody dares tell him of this. As they are approaching the lighting of the candles, René and the girls rush into the kitchen to get water and sand, to be able to put them out. However, Michelle stops them at gunpoint, since she wants the Germans to be blown up. Meanwhile, the Germans have more toasts, but nothing happens to the general. When they have toasted Hitler, the general allows them to smoke. Helga picks up her cigarette holder, but the general grabs it, before she can say anything. As there seems to be something stuck in it, he blows through it, accidentally (and unknowingly) shooting the dart straight at Herr Flick's nose. He starts having a seizure, but after he has fallen down on the floor, Helga gives him the antidote.

As Gruber informs the general it is midnight, he lights the candles, in memory of the moment when the Kaiser drew his first breath. The Frenchmen panic and so does Hans (since they are the ones who know about the dynamite in the gateau). He wants to go to the men's room and after he has whispered to the colonel about the dynamite, convinces the latter that he also wants to. However, the general will not hear of it. Yvette and Maria try to get the buckets of water and sand out of the kitchen, but Michelle stops them. Soon, the general blows the candles, in memory of the time the Kaiser drew his last breath (Meaning that the episode is set after 4 June 1941). All candles are put out, except the one containing the fuse. As nobody seems to be able to blow it out, René rushes into the kitchen, where the girls and Michelle are lying on the floor, waiting for the explosion. Therefore, there is nobody to stop him grabbing the bucket of sand, which he pours over the cake. When the general gets upset and asks him what he is doing, he says "I did this in memory of the day that the Kaiser was buried". They all toast the burying of the Kaiser. Hans tells René he is about to drink the wine from the "poisoned" jug, but he then tells him it only contains aspirin.

ReferencesEdit

NotesEdit

  1. This is an error, as there were no official boat races during the war. At the time this episode is set (Mid-late 1941), there had only been one unofficial wartime boat race, held at Henley on Thames on 2 March 1940, and won by Cambridge by 5 lengths. As this was at least three months before British forces were forced to withdraw from France by the German invasion, the airmen should have known this.

SourcesEdit

BibliographyEdit

Allo Allo Series 2
Six Big Boobies ; The Wooing of Widow Artois ; The Policeman Cometh ; Swiftly and with Style ; The Duel ; Herr Flick's Revenge ; The Gâteau from the Château

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