Crabtree's Podgeon Pist

Crabtree's Podgeon Pist
Production Details
Written by	David Croft & Jeremy Lloyd
Director	Martin Dennis
Transmission Details
Airdate	14 October 1989
Continuity
Previous	The Crooked Fences
Next	Rising To The Occasion

Plot

René returns from the church and enters the backroom through the window. As he is getting out of his priest disguise, Yvette comes in, thinking it is a burglar. As they have a quick cuddle, Edith walks in on them. After they have managed to lure her upstairs again, they have another cuddle. However, they are interrupted again, by a knock on the café door. As Yvette opens it, colonel Von Strohm, lieutenant Gruber, Helga and captain Bertorelli enter the café. The colonel threatens René at gunpoint, since they have not received any gold. René then fools them that he just has had a visit from a man of the church, who has given him a bundle of money, ordering him to give it to the man who gave gold to the church. René can therefore give the money (which is LeClerc's forged money) to the colonel and is "off the hook".

The next moment, there is another knock on the door and as the Germans do not wish to be seen, they leave via the back passage in the kitchen. When they have gone, Yvette opens the door and lets in the priest. He gives René the gold, saying he wants it to be given to the resistance. When he has gone, Yvette pleads with René to elope with her, but that cannot be done at the moment. Instead, they go upstairs to go to sleep.

In Herr Flick's headquarters, Von Smallhausen announces Helga, whom Herr Flick has sent for. She is carried in by two soldiers and Herr Flick tells her, that the airmen have been abducted by the resistance. He also tells her that he intends to sell the painting and that she might be able to help Von Smallhausen in finding a fence.

In the backroom, Michelle tells the café gang of the latest plan to get the airmen back to England. The resistance have captured a barrage balloon, which will be inflated in the yard behind the café. The airmen will then use it as a hot air balloon to sail back to England. It will be delivered together with a marquee, which will be set up in the yard - for Fanny's and Ernest's wedding. Thus, the wedding date must be moved up until the next Friday. The excuse for this is that it is a shotgun wedding. The balloon will be shot down over England, but for it not to explode when this happens, it will be filled with helium, which will be delivered to the café in canisters disguised as "prizewinning vegetable marrows from Algeria", by a man disguised as "an Algerian prizewinning vegetable marrow salesman".

Fanny is not keen on the idea of moving up the wedding date. The doctor has ordered her to stay four weeks in bed. However, Edith says she be taken to church in Monsieur Alfonse's hearse - an idea which she does not like either.

General Von Klinkerhoffen comes into the German headquarters in a steaming rage. During his 24 hour absence, the resistance have captured high ranking German officers and rescued the airmen and because of this, he will teach the town a lesson. Explosives will be placed under the whole town and if the airmen are not returned to him within 48 hours, it will be blown up, by him personally.

Crabtree comes into the café and shows the café gang a poster about the blowing up. However, he refuses to let the airmen be handed over to the Germans. Instead, he intends to send a message to England, not on the radio, since it is being intercepted, but by pidgeon post, that the wind is favourable and that the airmen will be sent off soon. His female assistant, agent Grace, comes in, with a pidgeon under her cap. However, they are soon joined by Von Strohm, Gruber, Bertorelli and Helga, so they must hide the pidgeon as best as they can. The Germans inform René, that a 100 pound bomb will be placed in the sewers under the café. Edith, however, refuses to give the airmen up. The next moment, LeClerc enters the café, disguised as the marrow salesman. He hands them over to René, but warns him that one of them is leaky. It even gives him a high-pitched squeaky voice right there.

The Gestapo officers are not very glad about the blowing up of the town. Herr Flick points out that he has made many enemies in Nouvion and that it would take a long time to make as many enemies in another town. They therefore decide to prevent the blowing up from happening. Herr Flick therefore orders Von Smallhausen to find the bombs and defuse them.

The marquee has been set up in the café yard. When the balloon has been brought in, agent Grace intends to write a message to send to England, but when she takes off her cap with the pidgeon under it, the pidgeon runs away, out of the marquee, with the cap still over it. Then, it looks like the wedding will not be able to take place, since Fanny cannot get out of bed and Ernest cannot walk down the aisle, since he has hurt his foot. Under the threat that he and Edith will have to get married, since somebody has to for the plan not to foil, René assures Michelle that Fanny and Ernest will be there. After this, the airmen are brought in, dressed as bridesmaids.

At church, when everybody is arriving, Monsieur LeClerc is passing out, since Michelle has given him painkillers and brandy for his bad foot. The whole town shows up, including Von Strohm, Gruber, Bertorelli and Helga. Lastly, Fanny arrives in Monsieur Alfonse's hearse. When LeClerc passes off again, René wakes him up with smelling salts, which proves to much for him. This makes him think he is still the marrow salesman and whenever he wakes up again, he keeps calling out "Marrows, marrows..." The four bridesmaids (Yvette, Mimi, Fairfax and Carstairs) pull the bed with madame Fanny down the isle. While the priest perform the wedding service, Crabtree and grace send the pidgeon off to England. When the ceremony is over, LeClerc is put in the bed, which is pulled out of the church.