This article is about an episode in Season 1 of the Allo Allo-series. For the painting see The Falling Madonna with the Big Boobies.
René Artois and his waitresses are hiding the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies and the priceless cuckoo clock in the cellar of the café by bricking them up. While doing this, they receive notice that Michelle of the resistance is in the back room with an urgent message. It turns out the German officers want to see René to interrogate him, which is confirmed by the German colonel's ringing the café during their talk. In case René would be tortured and not be able to bare it, Michelle Dubois gives him a ring containing a suicide pill.
At the German headquarters, Captain Hans Geering explains to Colonel Von Strohm, that they need some pliers and some rubber hose, to connect to a gas poker in the fireplace to easily build a fire whenever they want. Helga announces René, who tries to plead to them by giving them some gifts (a bottle of wine, some fine cigars, some fine cheese, some Napoleon cognac and a small perfume bottle for Helga). When Helga withdraws and asks, if they desire anything else, Hans asks for the pliers and the rubber hose, which makes René panic, since he thinks they are going to torture him with them. The colonel has made up his mind to hand over both the painting and René to the Gestapo, him for having hidden the British airmen, the painting in order to get rid of the Gestapo. In order to relieve him of the pain the Gestapo will put him under when they torture him, the colonel also gives him a ring with a suicide pill in it. René tries to talk him out of it and comes up with the plan of having the painting copied, so that they can give the forgery to the Gestapo and keep the original themselves. René mention he knows a forger (monsieur LeClerc) and that he will ask him to make the copy. As payment he says the forger would like some wine, some cigars, etcetera and takes the merchandise back, except the cheese, which the colonel wants to keep. Colonel Von Strohm and captain Geering agree to this and let René go.
Herr Flick arrives at the café, in order to have a private dinner with Helga in the backroom. Soon afterwards, René comes home and asks monsieur LeClerc if he can copy the painting, but he says he cannot, since he can't paint. When London calls on the radio in Edith's mother's bedroom and gives the message, that the two British airmen will be picked up that same night - one week early - they get the idea of sending the painting with them to London, to have it forged there. Michelle arrives and informs them the airmen must leave immediately. Since they cannot go out the front door (because of all the Germans in the café) and not through the back window (because of Herr Flick's and Helga's having dinner in the backroom) they all help tying a rope from the sheets of the bed, in order to let the airmen out through the bedroom window.
However, it turns out that the sheets are not long enough, so they come up with another plan of letting the airmen go out the front door - disguised as German officers. They do so after colonel Von Strohm and captain Geering have been persuaded to lend them their uniforms, in exchange for some private moments with the waitresses. The airmen put on the uniforms and one of them hides the painting underneath his clothes. Then, they leave through the front door, with the German officers in their underwear watching them from the windows of the upper floor.
- Gorden Kaye as Rene Artois
- Carmen Silvera as Edith Artois
- Richard Marner as Kurt Von Strohm
- Vicki Michelle as Yvette Carte-Blanche
- Kirsten Cooke as Michelle Dubois
- Sam Kelly as Hans Geering
- Richard Gibson as Otto Flick
- Guy Siner as Hubert Gruber
- Kim Hartman as Helga Geerhart
- Rose Hill as Fanny La Fan
- Francesca Gonshaw as Maria Recamier
- Jack Haig as Roger Leclerc
- John D. Collins as Fairfax
- Nicholas Frankau as Carstairs
- This episode is also known as "The British 'Ave Come" and simply "Series One, Episode One".
- British; cuckoo clock; England; The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies; France; French; German; Gestapo; Nazi; Nighthawk; Nouvion; Resistance; Royal Air Force; World War II
|Allo Allo Season 1|
|The British Are Coming ; The Fallen Madonna ; Pidgeon Post ; Saville Row to the Rescue ; The Execution ; The Funeral ; Red Nick's Colonel ; The Dance of the Hitler Youth|
|Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 4 | Series 5 | Series 6 | Series 7 | Series 8 | Series 9|